amelia, read this, please

yes mim, yes. i do still dream. i pray that you dream too.

just caught up on your blog. couldnt find it for ages, the url
was long lost to me. i read it and i cried.

not the crying you see everyday. not the crying you have
when you cry because your life is nothing, your life is
death. not the crying when your want to stop breathing,
but the air still makes its way to your lungs.

i cried so hard, i cried so quietly. i tried to keep my tears
as silent as can be. jasmine sleeps slowly beside me.
but i cried, and i felt my heart aching in my chest.
i felt my breaths shorten. and my head hurt so much.

 for so long i have stopped feeling. i just welcome the
nothing. the silence. the darkness. the numbness.

now i can feel again and i dont know if its right or
if its wrong. but i know that as i feel these emotions,
my life surely crashing. but i also know,
while it crashes we'll let it still for some time,
we'll let it pause. it will pause and ill hug you.

through that brief instant both of us shall know
eachother like never before and both of us shall
stop hurting.